Each of us wants a happy, creative and fulfilling life with physical, mental and emotional health, good loving relationships, and abundance for our needs. These may seem like lofty goals, but I think they're what we're meant to have, and it's normal to want them. However, we do stumble along sometimes and contaminate these goals in many ways, not deliberately, but it is our own doing. Unforgiveness is one of those contaminators we just hate to let go of. And sometimes we're not even aware we're doing it.
There are some secondary gains to unforgiveness. It gives us a false sense of self-righteousness. After all, look what he/she did to me. I have a right to feel the way I do. So there! You may be correct in feeling mistreated, but on the other hand, how can being unforgiving be righteous? Righteousness is doing what's right and good, and hanging onto unforgiveness only causes pain. Wouldn't it be more righteous to let it go?
Another secondary gain in not forgiving would be to avoid taking responsibility for your own response and feelings. After all again, it's his/her fault I feel this way. But in truth, no one can make you respond or feel anything by what they say or do. You feel what you feel because you choose to feel it. So you really are responsible. Hard to accept this truth? Of course.
When I read about forgiveness, it's usually about forgiving others. But I ask, "What about forgiving myself? Sometimes that's harder than forgiving someone else." When we do something wrong, we try to hide it. But we know, and it eats at us. We can't punish ourself enough. Bad. Bad. Bad. I think we each have a self-image of what we want to be, and we set a high standard for ourself, higher than for others. Falling down is inexcusable, and it's hard to forgive ourself for falling short. At these times we're not seeing the beauty of who we really are. We need to see and love our true self.
Forgiveness is a gift, and herein lies freedom. When we forgive others, we free ourself. When we forgive ourself, we drop the chains that bind us to the present and we open doors to glorious energy that can lead us to unimaginable places.
Learn to forgive. Learn to let go of anything that brings you down to a lower level. Know that you are too wonderful and precious to be walking around in the dregs of yesterday. This is a new day. Make it a righteous one, one that you deserve.
Let it go, and be free.