Wednesday, July 11, 2012

How To Create Peace Between You

Is there someone in your life who rubs you the wrong way, gets on your nerves, annoys you to the point of frustration? Well, welcome to the human world. Most people know someone like this. If you do, then you know that uncomfortable feeling that bubbles beneath the surface and drives you up a wall, or at least ruffles your feathers.

Years ago I worked in a pharmacy, and my boss was verbally abusive. Then one day I exploded, and we had a yelling fight right in the store. I thought for sure I was fired, but instead he began treating me with respect, and we ended up with a good relationship. However, I wouldn't recommend that behavior to anyone. Don't yell at your boss.

Since that episode, I've learned a better way to improve relationships and my own response to people who push my buttons. There's room for change on both sides. First look at your own responses, and honestly question any hangups you may have that precipitate the other person's behavior. Am I being unreasonable? Do I expect too much? Do I respond from my own insecurity? Is there something in me that needs to change? Make necessary changes in yourself if you need to. Then if you feel comfortable talking to the other person about your feelings, do it. If not, there's an exercise you can try.

One time I worked with a team of people, and our supervisor's answers to the others was usually "yes", but always "no" to me, sometimes with a somewhat hostile attitude. I was confused, and I bent over backwards to please. But no change. Then I tried the following exercise. I stayed with it each day, and in about a month, I saw our relationship changing. Eventually, we became friends, and I valued that friendship.

Applying positive energy to a situation will diminish the negative energy, and thus change behaviors.
1. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and imagine looking at the other person.
2. Then say, "I love you. I bless you. I release you to your highest good."
3. Now take another breath, and let go. Let go. Let go.

When you say these words, you're sending the other person a love your neighbor kind of love--the kind that's wired in us to love others. You're affirming blessings in their life. And you're releasing them, and ultimately yourself, from the negative energy between you. You may not feel these words, so it may be hard to say them. But say them anyway. It gets easier.

In most cases, this exercise does work if you stay with it. However, you don't need to win every battle, so if there's still no change in the other person, at least there will be a change in your response feelings. Good results will come. People are in our lives for a reason. Turn the negative to positive, and find peace within yourself.

I wish you loving relationships

Marilyn

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