Tuesday, April 5, 2016

The Many Sides Of Break Ups And Letting Go...When You Want To And When You Don't.



As we move through life, we go through a multitude of experiences...some filled with happiness, and some painful to the bone. And we each have our own unique bundle we call our life. No two are alike, and we interpret and respond in different ways. So we may have different notions about break ups and letting go.

To break up means to release, detach, undo, be over with, let go, come to an end, etc. We usually interpret a break up as with that special someone in our life. But it can apply to any person, a situation, or even a place--a friend, family, an organization, the place where you live. Some are initiated by you, while others are beyond your control. And while some have happy outcomes, others may mean letting go of someone or something you're attached to, and that can be painful, depending upon your response to letting go.

"Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced." James Baldwin

Every break up means facing change and making adjustments, but sometimes letting go is too hard to face, especially one you never imagined could happen. I was 6 years old when my father died, and I was devastated. Now I'm old, and during all those years I refused to let him go. I felt an empty, lonely place inside, and could never face his leaving. Then last year, I went to an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Provider who helped me finally release him. I will always miss him, but now I'm at peace accepting his leaving me when he had to.

Then I remember when I received the final papers on my divorce. I thought I'd be happy, but I sank down on the floor in the hallway, leaned against the wall, and cried buckets. It was what I wanted. I had initiated it. But I felt a deep sense of loss and failure. It seemed so sad for a family to break up, and it was difficult facing a new life.

For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: "It might have been." John Greenleaf Whittier

Do you ever look back at some of your break ups and wonder what might have been if they had not happened? Did you lose a loved one? Did a love affair come to an end? A friend you had to leave behind when you moved away? That job you left for one that looked better, but wasn't? Your dream of traveling in Europe went out the window when you got married? Or you dissolved your relationship with a family member? All sad break ups, but part of living your life. Can't relate? Think of a painful break up in your past, and remember the feelings you had, maybe still have, about it.

                            Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. Victor Hugo 


Yes, the sun can rise again in spite of our pain. And one way to let the sunshine in is to also remember those happy break ups...the ones we allow to get lost amid the pain. Do you remember how you felt when school was out and you said goodbye forever to the 4th grade? When your loud neighbor finally left town? When you located your lost check and got rid of that obnoxious bill collector? Happy break ups, part of life. So how do you keep what you want and release what you don't want?

Never lose hope, my dear heart. Miracles dwell in the invisible. Rumi

First decide the kind of life you want and make a firm commitment to that life. Include inner love, peace, joy, contentment, health, etc, and what you want outside of yourself.
Next identify any inner turmoil...sadness, guilt, anger regret, unforgiveness, etc, and any outer discord.
Now make a firm commitment to break up with anything you don't want in your life...inside and outside of yourself. You're going to let it go.
Each day affirm with conviction who and what you are...a beautiful creation with the ability to have, be, and do whatever you want to accomplish in your life.

As you practice each day, use healing modalities such as affirmations, music, nature, yoga, meditation. And explore EFT. I really works. Since any kind of healing process can be lonely, seek understanding and support from others. And give them your love.

I wish you freedom to be who you are.

Marilyn

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